so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We left an ass print on the piano.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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