I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize