my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
