I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
