Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
