you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
