I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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