He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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