I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
