Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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