A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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