On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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