he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
