Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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