People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
