you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
