Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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