I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
