I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
