I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize