We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
