Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
