Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
