I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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