youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize