..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
