went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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