There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
