I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
4 words: hood of his car
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
