I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
