hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
