: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
