i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize