i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
