but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
