Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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