dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
