Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We need to get me chipped asap
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