Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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