don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
