When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Let's paint friendship bongs
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
