don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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