im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
