Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
