Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
