I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize