The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize