She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
