what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
