I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
