it hurts more in the daytime
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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