Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.

(1-734): View more from Michigan

Shittttttt.

(734): View more from Michigan

Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.

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(206): View more from Washington

Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...

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