ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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