I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
