she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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