And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
