my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
