I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
