I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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