you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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