True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize